Thursday, October 25, 2007

Wow! I really am Fat!

Okay,, after uploading my pictures, I realized that I really am fat. LoL

No really, I don't mean this in a negative way, it's just so amazing to me that our minds can see ourselves one way and the camera can see us entirely different.

Earlier this year, when I was ready to focus on myself, I realized that I had become overweight, although I knew in my head that this was true, I just couldn't see that for myself from the inside.

Sure, when I would catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and I thought I looked huge, but I also found myself in disbelief that it was actually my reflection looking back at me. I just still felt like "me" on the inside and my mind played along by allowing me to see myself the way I wanted to and not the way it was. I guess that's what "denial" is really all about. As long as we deny it, it just doesn't exist, right?

It's okay though, because back in July when I woke up that day and decided that I wasn't going to do "this" anymore, meant that I was getting off of that roller-coaster ride and I was leaving all of those feelings of denial behind.

So, today when I look in the mirror, I still look bigger than I want to be, but I don't feel ashamed of myself anymore. I am "on my weigh" to a better me by eating healthy and exercising.

And, day, when I look in the mirror, the reflection I see will be the same person who I see as "me" on the inside.

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